Ania Adamkiewicz in English

My testimony
Anna Adamkiewicz

Did you ever had days when you thought, that even though you have everything you need to be happy, you do not feel in such a way, as if something was missing?.
A feeling of emptiness I couldn’t describe filled me probably since the beginning of my college. I was always rejecting thoughts about God. I was even quite negative towards Him. A few years later I got interested in that emptiness I couldn’t really describe and started to search for some spiritual path that would suit me. I read a lot about different kinds of religions and I wondered if I feel something specific when I find the right one. The word “prayer” discouraged me even in popular philosophy books and a church used to be a place where I couldn’t find the presence of God, automatically rejecting Him.
Each of us longs for something more in life than just every day repetitiveness and at one point searches for what he or she misses, but can not define it. Let me tell you how I have found what I was looking for through many years. And I was searching for it, where I shouldn’t have.
God put a person on my path, somebody who loved Him with all his heart. We became friends and spent a lot of time together. When he told me about the true God, when he quoted parts of the Holy Scripture, several times the tears ran from my eyes and I could not stop them. It was an amazing feeling and now I see how needed and “saving” it was for me. I liked the way he talked about “his” God, how he described Him and how well he had known Him. As if he was talking about his friend. The fact, that Jesus loves me travelled directly into the deepest parts of my soul. I heard that He died for our sins, that it is enough to come to Him and that we do not need any mediator, because He is the Way, Truth and Life and he loves us. I also heard many other words I have never heard before. I learnt that we are all equal to Him. These words were so calming and so true, that they touched my soul.
We had many of such meetings and each time, the reaction was the same. I cried without the possibility to control it. I started to think about it more and more. I bought the Holy Bible and I started to read it. At the beginning I couldn’t understand a lot. I learnt more and more about Jesus, though. As if step by step, there was more that was opening to me. I prayed a lot to the Lord but I had not made any decisions in my life until that time. I did not receive the Lord as my savior. I couldn’t understand what it meant and how to do it.
Many things started to happen in my life and the most incredible moment for me was watching the movie “The passion of Christ” by Mel Gibson. I saw that movie once in the theater before but at that time I did not experience anything specific, as I did watching it the second time at my own home. Not even one tear was falling down my cheek when I saw it the first time. Watching the movie second time, knowing a bit more about Jesus, what He had done and most importantly, that He loves me… made the reception completely different. As if I understood it all. When I looked at Jesus’ suffering, His love, His sacrifice, the death He chose and how people spit on Him and mocked Him, how difficult if was for Him to carry His cross and how the nails were nailed in His hands and legs, bringing excruciating pain – I could not stop the tears. I could not stop the regret and could not understand why I didn’t even drop one tear watching it the first time. I could not forgive myself and even though I always thought I was a good girl, I saw at this very moment how empty and hardened my heart was. Something was breaking inside of me that evening and I think I have never cried so much in my life. Each look at Jesus at the cross showed me how much I need salvation and how much I added of my sin to Jesus’ cross. I asked so fervently for forgiveness, and when I closed my eyes I saw His hand reaching towards me and myself running towards Jesus as a little girl. This view made me cry even more, because I did not think I deserved His grace. I accepted it though and since that day my life started to change. When I decided for a conversation with God asking Him for forgiveness, everything started to change. I noticed and realized what it was that I rejected my whole life. What happened next was not a fairy tale, but looking at as the time passed, I know it was God who led me.
Those who know me, know how difficult changes happened last year in my life and how much I have lost (interesting job, an apartment, the trip I dreamt of and most of all - my independence) – all that was bringing self-confidence in my life, reliance upon myself. The belief, that I can do everything by myself, was becoming demolished. And when I finally lost it all, there was nothing more to do but to hold on to the Lord for deliverance. I couldn’t do anything more by myself. And then, at that painful time Jesus helped me the most! In the least expected moments, He helped me! It was amazing! He helped me to reach a church, where people were sincere, kind and where they help each-other. Where the atmosphere is warm and kind-hearted and friendly. All of them helped me to hold on to the Lord and trust Him for deliverance and look at what was happening from a completely different perspective – perspective of eternity. On the 28th of February I was baptized by full immersion in water. It was the most beautiful day of my life! Now my dream is to one day at least shake the hand of Jesus and be able to tell Him how much I am grateful for what He made available to us.

To all of you reading my testimony and for myself as well I would like to wish persistence in using God’s Word in life, a lot of joy because of what Jesus made available for us and His indescribable love, that lights up all of our paths and makes problems small and easy to overcome. All you need is to trust Jesus! The choice is always ours to make!
God bless you all!
Anna